Columns, Rants and Muses

March 25, 2006

A DEMOCRAT'S VIEW OF THE REPUBLICAN'S WORLD

"Children are God's punishment for sex, everyone knows that. Now, Missouri
law will not deprive God of His right to punish you for that sex."
- State Rep. R. Winger, [R-MO]

"War creates trauma."

-President George W. Bush, Press Conference March 21

"Duh!"

-70% of the American People

NEWS FROM OUR TOWN...

We Clintonians are a prairie people. American Indians greeted white settlers here in the early 1800's. Most came by following others, a habit we've found hard to break, and, so, we've been following ever since. It comes, then, as no surprise that our Great Plains governments tend to be tended by caretaker followers rather than risk-taker daredevils. Leadership is rare and followership is the norm. Herds are the rule of the prairie. So it was at this week's city council meeting. Sitting on the high point between Decatur and Bloomington our city fathers (no mothers sit on the council) became a beacon of mediocre followership in the darkness of the waning winter. The issue was the mayor's will and in dutiful succession the four council members nodded their collective followership. Progressive thought must be stopped and our young enthusiastic economic development director/Chamber of Commerce executive director would be brought to heel, put back in line, and become a follower (or be fired, resigned, or made irrelevant until he left in frustration). There were citizens who came to his defense...who dared to step out of line and confront the followers and the leader....but, in the end, order was restored until one follower grasped an idea. Ideas are always dangerous viruses that can disrupt entire preordained consensus with new direction and upset the chosen way. Soon the virus had spread to two and then maybe even a third councilman and, horror of horrors, order was being threatened and forgone conclusions (and forced consensus) were all being tossed out the window...the baby and the bath water...and all of the prairie folks will have to show up at the next city council meeting on April 3 at 7 PM to follow what happens next! Amen.

The primary election's over and the Sheriff Incumbent Roger Massey of DeWitt County is breathing a (brief) sigh of relief. His Sheriff Primary Challenger to the 5-pointed non-flushable throne, Robert (Bobby) Krietler, snuck up and handcuffed 30% of the Republican primary votes. Sheriff Primary Challenger Bobby did it without an ounce of advertising or an iota of Republican good ol' boy backing which all went to the Sheriff Incumbent Roger (just 'cause he's a nice guy and, of course, he knows where everybody's skeletons are buried). So, the 23 year old Sheriff Primary Challenger Bobby with 0 years behind a badge was facing the 50-something Sheriff Incumbent Roger with 30 years of experience in law enforcement mano-a-mano and damn near walked away with a third of the votes! Respectable by any standard. Congratulations, young man, Sheriff Primary Challenger Bobby. Well done. Come back and join the game anytime. But this count also gives a longer sigh and more wakeful nights to Sheriff Incumbent Roger who must now begin counting general election votes instead of sheep while laying awake at night and contemplating the up and coming Sheriff Challenger Tom in the November general election. Tom Farris the 50-something Democratic challenger has an equal number of years of law enforcement experience, accreditations and credentials long enough to require him to carry two business cards stapled end to end, and has the distinction of having been the Sheriff of DeWitt County in a previous existence from 1986-1990. And Sheriff Challenger Tom Farris can take heart because..."I know Bobby Krietler..I taught Bobby Krietler...and, you Sheriff Challenger Tom, well, you're no Bobby Krietler (and we can all thank God for that!)." (This advertisement shamelessly brought to you by the citizens to remove "Challenger" from the title Sheriff Challenger Tom Farris Committee)

NEWS FROM WASHINGTON...

President Bush this week tried a new strategy. He decided to throw open the White House doors and windows and admit the American people and hang out the "Welcome, We're Open for Business" sign on the front door. That's right, folks, it's the new stand up guy. Darth Vader is dead and the cathartic Dr. Phil version of George Bush stands behind the presidential podium to answer any and all questions on any and all topics...come one and come all! He was glib...he was animated...he was off his Prozac.

NEWS FROM IRAQ...

The Administration was out on the stump this week defending its policies and public personae. Everybody, including the prez, walked on eggs to avoid the use of the word WAR when referring to Iraq. They seemed to prefer terms closer to TRAINING EXERCISE...as in "a training exercise for our troops and for the hundreds of Iraqi battalions" yet to be fielded in a yet to be declared Civil War. Actually Iraq was declared a Civil War, with a capital C and capital W by former Iraqi prime minister Ayad Allawi on BBC. It was declared a civil war with a lower case c and lower case w by Sen Chuck Nagel (R-Neb). Pres Bush and Gen George Casey (mouth moved by VP Deadeye Dick Cheney) both almost simultaneously independently declared there is no ivil ar with no c and no w in Iraq. What there is, is unclear at this time but it's definitely, almost certainly, not a ivil ar and does not appear to be headed toward ivil ar in the near future...if Casey will just find those damn Weapons of Mass Destruction we can declare it what it really is, A LIBERATION! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED...I'll go down in history as George of Arabia...they'll love me heh..heh..heh...

REPUBLICAN'S DOMESTIC SPENDING PLANK FOR MIDTERM ELECTIONS...

The present Republican menstruation has been a fiscal mess. My apologizes to the womenfolk but that is the only way to describe what Bush and the Republicans have done in the name of fiscal conservatism since the last Democratic administration. Take note: 1998 President Bill Clinton unveils a balanced budget; 2000 President Clinton announces another record budget surplus; 2003 Government hits the national debt ceiling; 2006 Senate votes to raise the debt limit. In a recent commentary, Jon Stewart, of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, said..."Good news today out of Washington. They haven't paid down the debt or come up with any program to do so. What they did is raise the limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C."

BRINGING DEMOCRACY AROUND THE WORLD...

Four years after the Democratization of Afghanistan Abdul Rahman, 41, stands trial for his life before an Afghan court. His crime? He converted from Islam to Christianity. Ah, what a difference we've made in our overthrow of the Taliban! The poppy fields are...well, they're flowering...the war lords are...ah, well still more powerful than the central government...and the concept of separation of church and state is...ah, well about as separated as it is on the 700 Club or a gathering of two or more Republicans at a meeting of the directors of the Vatican Bank.

WEBSITE of the WEEK...THANK YOU NEO-CON-MEN...

Check out this website

http://www.markfiore.com
/animation/neoconmen.html

For a GREAT DEMOCRAT BLOG check out http://melhi.blogspot.com/

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS...THIS WEEK BUSH ORDERED THE BOMBING OF THE CANARY ISLANDS TO CONTROL THE BIRD FLU

Ed Wollet's Column
March 5, 2006

Back without any popular demand and by a unanimous vote of 1 to 0 on a semi-regular basis is the Weekly Update, A Democrat's View of the Republican's World. Feel free to pass it on to your friends, foes, families, or strangers whose email addresses you've accumulated and have no idea who they are or why they were ever a part of your lives (though you may want to consider setting up an anonymous yahoo email address). As always if you'd ever want to stop getting this nonsense out of pure boredom or you suddenly come to your senses and your medication takes hold, just hit the reply and tell me to "Unsubscribe". At any rate, have a great week and I'll see you somewhere in the headlines.

A DEMOCRAT'S VIEW OF THE REPUBLICAN'S WORLD

NEWS FROM IRAQ...
A poll of American troops this week showed that 75% want the U.S. to be out of Iraq within a year. 1 in 4 want to withdraw immediately. The Bush administration saw the silver lining in this however. During a press briefing Scott McClellan, the president's press secretary, said..."This poll certainly indicates that U.S. troops are seeing an end in sight to their mission in Iraq and are anticipating further action in neighboring Iran."

NEWS FROM WASHINGTON...
The AP reported earlier this week that tapes it obtained under Freedom of Information Ac revealed President Bush knew well in advance that Hurricane Katrina would devastate New Orleans. Other developments included the president backing a plan to turn over American ports to Arab controlled companies and Vice-President Dick Cheney continuing to be roasted for not being able to differentiate between a quail and a lawyer. Meanwhile, the president's polling numbers reached near the freezing point. Amid all this good news President Bush has been overseas brokering deals with India and Pakistan. However, the White House is denying reports that the president is seeking political asylum from Pakistani President Pervez Musharraz. In a terse statement issued Friday President Bush stated, "There is no truth to the rumor that Mushy and I are anything other than allies in the war against terror. We were in those mountains between Pakistan and Afghanistan looking for Osama bin Laden and playin' a little cricket with his bat and my ball on the side."

A LITTLE FOR BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE...
So, would it stop the pundits at all if Dick Cheney asked Ted Kennedy to drive George Bush and him to go Quayle hunting out on Chappaquiddick Island with Duke Cunningham riding shotgun?

ON BEING DEMOCRAT...
Democrats view themselves as an eclectic bunch. We Democrats often use the term "Big Tent" to try and describe the spectrum of peoples who call themselves Democrat. Some use the label Independent and some would admit to cross-voting (not to be confused with cross-dressing which is a wholly different issue common to all political parties particularly during Marti Gras). Democrat cross-votes are most usually reserved for friends, close blood relatives, and those who would have been Democrats under other parentage. Republican cross-votes are most often sold to the highest bidder or the most hung Chad.

DEMOCRATS and FAITH...
A recently reported statistic indicated that church-goers voted 2 to 1 for Bush in 2004. C'mon, give us a break! Tom DeLay and company have made the GOP a party of sleaze. From the White House to the State House, they're having to raise their right hands not to take the abstinence oath but as defendants in court and they're doing it while wrapping their arms around the 10 commandments and their fists around IOUs made out to Jack Abramoff. The TURDs (Theocrats United for a Regressive Democracy) have a death grip on the single issue of....ta dah...abortion. Passing ethics legislation? Doesn't matter. Lying to the nation over and over and over again? Nada. Rescuing victims of hurricanes? Not on the radar screen. Runaway spending that robs money from the poor and middle class?...tax breaks to the wealthiest?...a stupid costly unjust war?...domestic spying? Let 'em eat cake. Right to life that can stop at age 12 if you're poor and/or black? Now you're talkin'!!! The single religious issue on which they want to engage is abortion PERIOD. But, hey, the leading Republican candidate for governor in Illinois, Judy Barr Topinka is pro-choice! There are more liberal and moderate Republicans than there are TURDs. So why do Democrats shrink away when Republicans stake out God as theirs and then proceed to create the Great One in their image and likeness? Repubes are the party of the 10 commandments and they break them on a regular basis. Democrats are the party of the Sermon on the Mount. We're the ones who look out for the little guy, remember...the down and outers...the victims and the prisoners...the soldiers and the civilians...the voiceless against the powerful? So, we can stop giving ground to the TURDs. No more. We can stop running away. The Mount is the high ground. The party of Jesus-Mohammad-Buddha-Ghandi can go toe-to-toe with the party of Herod-the Pharisees-Heston and win. So, go and engage your wavering Republican brethren about your beliefs on issues that matter to them...the right to life and personal choice, the right to civil rights for all citizens, the right to make a private cell phone call....

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS...BRING THEM HOME...SEND THE DUKE-STIR OVER IN HIS F-18 AND NEW JUMP SUIT

The good news from Iraq this week...

How to Make a Spoonful of Castor Oil Taste Like Two Spoonfuls of Castor Oil...

During a Senate briefing this week, General George "I'm in Iraq Every Day" Casey, told Congress that only one Iraqi army battalion was ready to go into combat without U.S. support, down from three estimated a few months ago. He argued, though, that the Iraqi army is getting stronger, with more than 30 Iraqi battalions deemed capable of leading combat operation against insurgents, albeit with U.S. help.

Does this sound a little like Viet Nam? Didn't we hear the same thing out of Westmoreland and Nixon about 30 years ago? "The South Vietnamese Army is in great shape and are capable of leading attacks against strong enemy fortifications with U.S. troops backing them up." At some point you have to get a little skeptical and that's exactly what happened to Senator John "I've Been There and Done That But They Didn't Give Me A Tee Shirt" McCain when he questioned how dropping from 3 combat ready battalions to 1 could possibly be viewed as progress. That led to a nasty exchange between Casey and McCain during which Casey told McCain that basically he didn't have the expertise necessary to understand combat readiness.

Meanwhile during his weekly radio address, President Bush sought to reassure the American public about the battle readiness of the Iraqi troops. "Sure we went through them like tissue paper in '90 and '03. But this is a different bunch of folks now. I mean I've personally been over there on ma nights off flyin' 'em in and out to their dental appointments. Take it from me. I know battle ready troops an' these guys are tough."

The good news from Washington this week...

Attention all GOP ... This Is Your Captain ... Abandon Ship! ... I repeat ... Abandon Ship! ...

GOP base losing faith in Bush

October 8, 2005

BY WILL LESTER

WASHINGTON -- Evangelicals, Republican women, Southerners and other critical groups in President Bush's political coalition are worried about the direction the nation is headed and disappointed with his performance, an AP-Ipsos poll found.

I mean ya gotta figure that Laura would be counted in the with the Republican women who would be "disappointed in his performance." There never were any Democrat women who were ever disappointed by Bill Clinton's performance in or out of the White House. He was a real man...a guy who could get the job done. "Git 'er done!"

From the State of Illinois...

The GOP faithful are still recovering from the Hurricane Jim's announcement last week that he will not be seeking the Republican gubernatorial nod. Step in the latest front runner and GOP sacrificial lamb, Steve Rauschenberger. Looking at this picture it looks more like he's running for the goober-nay-don't-do-that to-me bid. And you thought Blagojevich was hard to pronounce!